If the FCC was in charge of Rome's barbarian policy

David "Stupid Network" Isenberg puts the FCC Net Neutrality cop-out into perspective with this tale from Roman times:

The RCC has determined that the pending Barbarian invasion of Rome meets the so-called public interest standards that the RCC is charged with upholding, as long as conditions are imposed. Roman Commission Chairman Julius Genacowcus told Tempus Romanus reporters that the Barbarians are required not to sack the city or move too far inside the city's gates. Chairman G said additional conditions also applied, including a requirement that Barbarians pillage and plunder only unlawful residences, and engage only in consensual, protected sex. Genacowcus said the Barbarian compromise will promote investment, commerce and competition.

Robertus Comcasti, speaking for the Barbarians, said that he was "gratified" that the RCC was taking this proactive step. "We have emphasized that this transaction is pro-competitive, pro-consumer, and will deliver real public interest benefits," he said.

RCC officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the proposed conditions were intended to ease harm to Roman citizens, and they emphasized that they were not treating the deal as an opportunity to affect the behavior of future invading hordes. They did not say how long the conditions would be in effect.